Family COMMUNion

I've spent so much time investing prayer, thought, action into a dream that's plagued me since childhood.  These days, I just want to quit.  I've learned so much, been hurt so badly and disillusioned so often.  I've been told it's "not my job".  I'm "doing enough".  I'm "not cut out for that work."Even that I have "no idea" what sort of predicament I'd be putting myself in. I remember this girl, barely a teenager, wearing "I love New York" earring because of her prayers and burning passion for the inner city homeless in New York City.  I remember that same girl sitting on the subway train in New York City and praying for the abandoned and "For Sale" buildings she passed in New York…that somehow, some way God would give this girl one of those or put her in one of those for the ministry dream she had.  Prayers…they change me, always. I remember the dreams I'd awaken from of revival, of roo

beat the rust from leaky drums scrub bloodstain until it runs wash my face and grimy hands view the scene from frosted glass and everything is managed and everything seems calm my conscience seems less damaged the bullet in my palm Offer me a clean sweep a token of affection the chaos grown knee-deep midst growing insurrection love that gives me smallest solace hope that barely warms dirty sips from golden chalice while greater Presence warns and everything consumes me and life still pulls me in and what is left that could be is choked up in what's been pressing in upon me the thing that screams it matters perspective small around me while all outside this shatters and greater union beckons this marriage begs consent I note the fleeting seconds the will that won't relent and all within me willing and all outside me cold a heart with hatred filling a groom with anger, bold and everything demands my patience and fortune seems my lot w

The best things I can say, the words that mean the most are the ones that reverberate in my heart. These are words that hold me to you that define your deity your truth. I'm ever wandering and pondering the things that will never really matter until I'm silent and I hear the words you gave me to sing over you, the love you placed in me to lavish upon you. Others will tell me these thoughts, these feelings even this aching is for another.  They will tell me that I need to find that one, to seek him out to pour all of this into him but I know better.  I've been there and when I was we both said it belonged to you…both of us did.  It's meant for no one else.  I didn't make it.  You put it in me for you.  Despite what anyone thinks or wonders we know that the only way I'll be satisfied is to lavish it on you, my Maker, my King And every woman has this passion.  Every woman has this need.  Every woman has this longing to be loved and to pour out what's insi

Formed from the dust breathed into life Redemption a must Deceived by the wife And woman she groaned In travail she cried the man worked the ground a curse well applied And then way back when All of creation still felt the plan and wept for redemption And the oldest, the male... cursed like He said… Cain he killed abel Moses he fled after the Pharaoh had marked him for dead And Abraham prayed and for his son, he pled and God heard his prayer and spilled not Isaac's blood And on down the lineage Jonathan, Saul, We see the battle in  Solomon's fall The fruit and the carnage of Redemption's call Always, the fighting for the oldest son's soul All that are marked and some that are stole And I know there's choice and that there's free will but the Liar himself steals and he kills Life came from woman And freed her from the curse But salvation from man made his freedom worse And here in my famil

Strains of Glory fill this place The echoes of something I've never seen My heart still glowing, a warmth within As if I've left where I have not been I remember sadness I remember pain the shot-out loneliness the blackest stain and sleepy eyes and dreamy steps and the quiet knowing that it's not over yet simple promises in starlit visions wrap the pain and sanctify prisons and morning takes me back to earth where darkness held me gives me worth and solidified promise and love's strong pull it makes it holy it keeps me here The land I was made for still burns in my heart as I sip at my coffee and brave the days start and emotions they weigh on me more than I can stand they pulsate within me and shake clean, strong hands All of these duties that come to an end all of these feelings that force me to bend destined for promise in dark strange men's country danger and toil to daily confront me There in the night You become m

Time you stay me with your gaze all the obstacles you raise leaving me so incomplete wiping out the tears I weep Time you steal from me my beauty make your constant count my duty TIme you take my dreams away and stand the tyrant I must pay Time you're ne'er good to me Time, why won't you let me be? Hopeless now to simplify losing more, the more I try Time I'm sure I hate you We were never meant to meet None that can abate you or force you to retreat Time you take my friends away Time you make life's edges fray Time forever you unravel all the tasks I'm sure I handle Time you steal my children and dull my lover's eyes you drag this weary pilgrim through emptiness and lies Time don't give me wisdom Fear of God is law Time you are my prison but Truth has fixed that flaw Time deny my freedom Time leave me alone Time create the doldrum you've taught me now to own Love is not your anthem Compassion not your speed

I  enter this room where I've been before There are no walls just an open door And my chair is empty Your eyes are warm You stand to let me embrace Your form And I always wonder every time I come how it seems so easy when it's been so long how You always want me when I've run from you how You always tell me what I need to do I've brought my baggage but it can't last long. For here with You my strength is gone. The pain I hoped to let You see has vanished as You welcome me. And I open up to let You in but then fall into You again. "It's my good pleasure" I hear You say To answer You before You pray Why'd I come?  I can't remember..... But I want now to stay here forever. The battleground's faded and the chaos is dim I fought thru to get here....to be here with Him And I had these burdens to put on display I hadn't unbagged them He took them away. I wanted to shout, to cry, and to wail to ma

Soooo…it's been a while since I wrote about why this whole thing started.  There's a few reasons.  I've lost some hope.  It feels so difficult to disentangle myself from this life I live. The idea of ever pulling away seems impossible most days, like I'll be stuck in this crazy life of raising kids and working and educating FOREVER.  I've lost some hope in people too.  Anyone that I've talked to…really talked to about this whole idea either doesn't take me seriously or else doesn't really want to seriously attempt it.  In other words, it's fun to talk about but like most things I can expect to be the little red hen and just "do it myself." It seems that's a lot of what I do these days. Lastly, it was my friend Krista's idea to start this blog.  She actually wanted to know more. The great thing about Krista is she knew how to make people feel important because she believed they ALL were.  Everyone who knew her  was so happy to be lov

Friendships to treasure for a lifetime and lessons that will lead my children into their God-given Destiny.  I am so blessed by relationship in this life.  In fact,  It IS what I was made for.  It's what we ALL were made for! My first slide show….so be kind! ;)

Friendships to treasure for a lifetime and lessons that will lead my children into their God-given Destiny.  I am so blessed by relationship in this life.  In fact,  It IS what I was made for.  It's what we ALL were made for! My first slide show….so be kind! ;)