BACK to the Commune
Soooo…it's been a while since I wrote about why this whole thing started. There's a few reasons. I've lost some hope. It feels so difficult to disentangle myself from this life I live. The idea of ever pulling away seems impossible most days, like I'll be stuck in this crazy life of raising kids and working and educating FOREVER. I've lost some hope in people too. Anyone that I've talked to…really talked to about this whole idea either doesn't take me seriously or else doesn't really want to seriously attempt it. In other words, it's fun to talk about but like most things I can expect to be the little red hen and just "do it myself." It seems that's a lot of what I do these days. Lastly, it was my friend Krista's idea to start this blog. She actually wanted to know more. The great thing about Krista is she knew how to make people feel important because she believed they ALL were. Everyone who knew her was so happy to be loved by her and that is a lesson I will not forget. Krista and her son are no longer with us and somehow it was hard to write about this knowing she'd never read it.
I've decided to try ,in hopes that creating this picture again will somehow renew the hope inside of me and maybe even my hope in others. One thing that I believe now more than ever is that people are wonderful at relationship when they are actually willing to try. For those in my life that want to know me (for whatever reason) I find them to be so very wonderful and caring and kind. I find that giving to them is such a pleasant experience that I want to do it often and I find they feel the same towards me. God made us to LOVE each other and it is not whimsical to believe we are GOOD at doing so . It is not often though that two people can consistently agree to making an effort at loving each other. All too often one can become inwardly focused and decide that his/her needs need to be met first. This sort of thinking is a "death knell" for a healthy relationship. Self cannot matter in relationship…no not ever. If only it hadn't taken me so long to learn that.
And so for my dear commune, I look. I need a place that is self sufficient, off the grid, not hidden but not open either. I need a place where people cannot go to find themselves but rather to find others. I need a place where having secrets is not an option because there is no place to hide and nowhere to be alone. Some people think that "alone" is a place where there are no other people, but rather "Alone" is a place where a person goes wanting to NOT be found and taking measure to not be found and the only reason to do that is to do things that they do not want to be seen. These places mustn't exist in a commune. There is too much that goes on in the dark that the light will not tolerate and so this place must be filled with light. It must be.
There is no such thing as utopia on this planet. I know this. I don't expect that commune life will be perfect and void of sin and disillusionment. I don't expect that reconciliation will be immediate or forthcoming or for some even possible. If relationship were perfect it wouldn't be enjoyable. It's in the struggle that we find peace and satisfaction much in the way that the long winter makes us eager for the beauty of spring. Rather, I believe that if all there is to do in life are the things that build relationship we are bound to build relationships the way they were meant to be built. I'm a bit strange in that confrontation delights me a bit. I love working things out…talking them through, coming to resolution. Some people need to let things go and I'm all for that too and learning to do it more and more but things mustn't be hidden or left untouched. Festering wounds never heal. They must be uncovered.
I need a place where husbands and wives have a marriage that everyone can watch (by day that is). I need a place where children know their friends mothers as well as they know their own. I need a place where men "shoot the breeze" together every night because they find satisfaction in just being together the way it used to be. Hunting and fishing and car-fixing and snowmobiling and scaling cliffs?? Those things are called "communal work". That's what these guys do to help their community survive but at the end of the day they sit around and talk about the Bible and how to love their wives and children and what real leadership looks like. It doesn't matter who's President or what new law the idiot politician is trying to pass. What matters to these guys is how they can be Godly men and raise children that know what a leader looks like. They discuss what to build and what new skill to learn and how to learn it. They carefully note ways to protect their families in the process and to make sure they're cared for. They plot out emergency plans and even make arrangements for their families to be cared for should something happen to one of them. They lean on and honor one another and "shooting the breeze" looks a lot like courage and love and honor…something men don't do anymore, at least not in these parts. "Shooting the breeze" looks like encouragement and spiritual mentorship and men who think it's super cool to love Jesus and love him openly. I think if you do that now you're called a "pastor".
I need a place where I trust every mother I know with my children. They won't be talking about the latest boy band or singing lyrics to the new trashy pop stars song with my daughter. They won't be coddling my boys and encouraging them to say "cute little flirt lines" to their daughters. They'll remind them of who they're called to be and why. They'll encourage them to hold doors and say "Good Evening Ma'am" and "Please" and "Thank you". They'll teach my daughter their favorite recipes and sing songs with her that honor God and remind her that she is the "Weaker vessel" but treated with greater honor because of it and NOT to settle for less. I need a place where the women I know don't look me up and down to see if I'm cuter or thinner than they are. I need a place where I'm treated the same in sweats as I am when I have eyeliner on and a skirt. I need a place where women don't use their words as sideways barbs to hurt each other and where honesty is valued and apologies are accepted. I need a place where even when I screw up and say what I shouldn't I'm confronted and my penance is seen as genuine. I need a place where love is more than a word or a feeling. I need mercy. That's the place I need.
I need a place where men look for women that seek God again. I need a place where what is intimidating about a woman is the fact that there are 5 other men as Godly as you looking to see if she'll have them because she's so pure and devoted to her Maker. I need a place where a woman's courage or passion or devotion to her children is an asset and not a detriment to her character. I need a place where men understand that a woman was made to love and that the more she is loved the more love she has to give. Someday men will understand again that they WANT women in love with their Maker. The more a wife loves her heavenly FAther the more she is able to love her husband and her children. She was made for love and in a commune this will be understood. The heart of the commune will be love of the women and the spirit of the commune will be the spirit of the living God.
I might be crazy. I always feel that I am when I write these things. I remember being "Crazy" almost five years ago though, now. I was sure I'd lost it and so many said I had. It turns out I was sane..more than sane. Maybe it'll happen again. Just maybe…..
I've decided to try ,in hopes that creating this picture again will somehow renew the hope inside of me and maybe even my hope in others. One thing that I believe now more than ever is that people are wonderful at relationship when they are actually willing to try. For those in my life that want to know me (for whatever reason) I find them to be so very wonderful and caring and kind. I find that giving to them is such a pleasant experience that I want to do it often and I find they feel the same towards me. God made us to LOVE each other and it is not whimsical to believe we are GOOD at doing so . It is not often though that two people can consistently agree to making an effort at loving each other. All too often one can become inwardly focused and decide that his/her needs need to be met first. This sort of thinking is a "death knell" for a healthy relationship. Self cannot matter in relationship…no not ever. If only it hadn't taken me so long to learn that.
And so for my dear commune, I look. I need a place that is self sufficient, off the grid, not hidden but not open either. I need a place where people cannot go to find themselves but rather to find others. I need a place where having secrets is not an option because there is no place to hide and nowhere to be alone. Some people think that "alone" is a place where there are no other people, but rather "Alone" is a place where a person goes wanting to NOT be found and taking measure to not be found and the only reason to do that is to do things that they do not want to be seen. These places mustn't exist in a commune. There is too much that goes on in the dark that the light will not tolerate and so this place must be filled with light. It must be.
There is no such thing as utopia on this planet. I know this. I don't expect that commune life will be perfect and void of sin and disillusionment. I don't expect that reconciliation will be immediate or forthcoming or for some even possible. If relationship were perfect it wouldn't be enjoyable. It's in the struggle that we find peace and satisfaction much in the way that the long winter makes us eager for the beauty of spring. Rather, I believe that if all there is to do in life are the things that build relationship we are bound to build relationships the way they were meant to be built. I'm a bit strange in that confrontation delights me a bit. I love working things out…talking them through, coming to resolution. Some people need to let things go and I'm all for that too and learning to do it more and more but things mustn't be hidden or left untouched. Festering wounds never heal. They must be uncovered.
I need a place where husbands and wives have a marriage that everyone can watch (by day that is). I need a place where children know their friends mothers as well as they know their own. I need a place where men "shoot the breeze" together every night because they find satisfaction in just being together the way it used to be. Hunting and fishing and car-fixing and snowmobiling and scaling cliffs?? Those things are called "communal work". That's what these guys do to help their community survive but at the end of the day they sit around and talk about the Bible and how to love their wives and children and what real leadership looks like. It doesn't matter who's President or what new law the idiot politician is trying to pass. What matters to these guys is how they can be Godly men and raise children that know what a leader looks like. They discuss what to build and what new skill to learn and how to learn it. They carefully note ways to protect their families in the process and to make sure they're cared for. They plot out emergency plans and even make arrangements for their families to be cared for should something happen to one of them. They lean on and honor one another and "shooting the breeze" looks a lot like courage and love and honor…something men don't do anymore, at least not in these parts. "Shooting the breeze" looks like encouragement and spiritual mentorship and men who think it's super cool to love Jesus and love him openly. I think if you do that now you're called a "pastor".
I need a place where I trust every mother I know with my children. They won't be talking about the latest boy band or singing lyrics to the new trashy pop stars song with my daughter. They won't be coddling my boys and encouraging them to say "cute little flirt lines" to their daughters. They'll remind them of who they're called to be and why. They'll encourage them to hold doors and say "Good Evening Ma'am" and "Please" and "Thank you". They'll teach my daughter their favorite recipes and sing songs with her that honor God and remind her that she is the "Weaker vessel" but treated with greater honor because of it and NOT to settle for less. I need a place where the women I know don't look me up and down to see if I'm cuter or thinner than they are. I need a place where I'm treated the same in sweats as I am when I have eyeliner on and a skirt. I need a place where women don't use their words as sideways barbs to hurt each other and where honesty is valued and apologies are accepted. I need a place where even when I screw up and say what I shouldn't I'm confronted and my penance is seen as genuine. I need a place where love is more than a word or a feeling. I need mercy. That's the place I need.
I need a place where men look for women that seek God again. I need a place where what is intimidating about a woman is the fact that there are 5 other men as Godly as you looking to see if she'll have them because she's so pure and devoted to her Maker. I need a place where a woman's courage or passion or devotion to her children is an asset and not a detriment to her character. I need a place where men understand that a woman was made to love and that the more she is loved the more love she has to give. Someday men will understand again that they WANT women in love with their Maker. The more a wife loves her heavenly FAther the more she is able to love her husband and her children. She was made for love and in a commune this will be understood. The heart of the commune will be love of the women and the spirit of the commune will be the spirit of the living God.
I might be crazy. I always feel that I am when I write these things. I remember being "Crazy" almost five years ago though, now. I was sure I'd lost it and so many said I had. It turns out I was sane..more than sane. Maybe it'll happen again. Just maybe…..
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