Family COMMUNion

  When I was before I'd been I wrote it down marked blue in pen Reminding me of oaths I swore the "who" I was would be no more Years have past since now was then I look back at me now and again I'm really not a mystery not so intriguing I've stayed me The recollection makes me sick I fight to find what makes me tick and I waste time in revelry the worship made for only thee Disdain the patterned path I've found behind the pride I've built around the more I hate the less of me as I dissect the self you see And I despise.... the horror of... I close my eyes, the plaintiveness of wounded sighs Past attacks with mortal blows Present mocks as future glows the flesh grieves what the spirit knows all that gleams is not what grows... JMM 2012 “No eye has seen, no ear has heard,     and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him.” it was to us that God revealed these things by his Spirit. For his Spirit searches out everything and shows us Go...

You never thought you'd lose your voice How quickly he took it away  Your silence replaced with liquor and noise The game you swore you'd never play You laid down your life to hold on forever a duty filled wife you thought you were clever bound to a man, controlled by his tether You sweet foolish girl! Never say never And then in the darkness you fought off his hand Swallowing shame and drinking his lies Taking the blame for his failed plan He laughed at your pain and dismissed your cries Never make a promise you can't keep Never let the others see you weak Never let the enemy see you asleep Never need permission just to speak And left on a lonely road there in the freezing night the drunkenness the loneliness the will you'd lose to fight There in the dark waiting for rescue reality stark this moment's to test you Never hurt the children Never risk your life Never force his will. Then, he'll never wield "the knife" The future before you The next forty ...

When this pain defines me When this ache won't end The words you've left remind me That you're not gone, my friend. I cannot hear your laughter I cannot see your face I cannot find an answer For why you've left this place But when the darkness grips us And as you embrace the light When the shadows trick us As we stumble through this night Somehow we can see you Through all you've taught us here Truly, we believe you And it frees our hearts from fear When I peel potatoes (small ones) or when I fold a fitted sheet When I sing about the angels When I put my boys to sleep When I struggle with contentment When I'm burdened by my work When I fight with the resentment of putting others first Your spirit shines so brightly It magnifies your words You didn't live here lightly What you said was heard When I'm singing at the piano When I'm dancing all alone When I'm looking out the window and longing for my Home When I breathe a prayer at lunchtime or as I ...

I'm not gonna tell you 'Cause you're not gonna know I'm not gonna hold you 'Cause then you just can't grow I'm gonna leave you to learn for yourself There's some things that I can't give you Some ways that I can't help I remember being younger All the things I thought I'd know My friends and I? We sang about "the art of letting go." Then? I cared what people thought It trapped me in my life Then?  It seemed the most important things were Grownup, Mother, Wife I'm going to grit my teeth I'm going to brave the pain I may forget to breathe I may again forget I'm sane I'll have to watch the joyride before the sudden stop and when no one else is on your side I'll pray to help you off and when I nurse the wounds that those "reckless foolish" bring and when the pride that ruins breaks down every thing When forgiveness finds you when mercies quench my tears They say...

When I was seven and rocked my dolly I begged and prayed to become your mommy If God would just bring that doll to life I'd be your mom, and I'd be His wife I was sure we were ready to be together I'm your mom and I've loved you forever Notes passed on a school day Saved in dresser drawers Playbills saved from school plays love notes and dried flowers I saved them and I wondered what it is you'd say My teenage self would ponder if you'd share those parts of me one day I struggled with anger, frustration and pride I'd run and I'd bottle my pain up inside I ached with the battle to grow up and be strong I had the hardest time learning it's okay to be wrong I dreamed of your birth; hoped you'd handle things better I'm still your mom and I've loved you forever I grew strong and travelled I saw many things As my life unravelled I tried out my wings I fought hard to see you to know me through your eyes I prayed for...

Brave the sorrow, brave the cold Stave tomorrow's frozen hold Sodden beauty, ice's crystal Winter's duty, evil's fistule Deaden all these dreams Turn what's warm to cold Refract shallow beams Winter's grip is bold Give the life to let it rest trust that Father knows what's best Tears that freeze upon my face bitter journey, coldest place linking all these memories whitened hope from darkest stain bitter chill to ward off enemies No regret to kill cold's pain I'm skating here I'm flailing here Angel warm me with your glow let your light be Truth I know Crying in the interim Nearly silent, standing strong Holding all this winter in Lest I find out I've been wrong Angel help me. Sing your song I've been faithful for so long Perhaps it's in my blatant sin the weakness hidden deep within Do you deprive me of your mercy? You see how hard it's been The pleasure they find when they hurt me?...